i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
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