i wish there were pregnant emoticons
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
Randomize
