update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Randomize
