yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
