in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
We had to coat check the pizza.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
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