Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
Randomize
