i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
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