He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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