Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
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