Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
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