he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
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