Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
the condom got lost in my hair
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
Randomize
