I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
You are a booty call, not a friend.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
Randomize
