We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
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