he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
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