There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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