Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Randomize
