her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Randomize
