dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
My dad is sitting where you rode me
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