You think ghandi was good in the sack? cuz i sure do.
I'm not gay.
Soooo you want ghandi? is that what your telling me?
If ghandi gives good head...I'm in
Its fine.
Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
Randomize