How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
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