I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
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