trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
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