Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
she looked like the before picture.
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
Randomize
