WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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