I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
