xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
Randomize
