a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
Randomize
