Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
