Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Randomize
