OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
Randomize
