There was a lot of him and a little penis
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
I'm having to shit out rocks
Randomize
