We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Randomize
