he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
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