you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
