I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
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