genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
