my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
