so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
you mean i was at the winter classic?
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
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