bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Randomize
