I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
Randomize
