It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
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