Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
Randomize
