Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
Randomize
