take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Randomize
