What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Randomize
