She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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