mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Randomize
