All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
i think we sleep fucked last night...
I yelled at your uterus for you.
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