My hand turned me down
as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
