Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
Randomize
