i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
My vagina is officially offended.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Randomize
