you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Btw I puked in your glovebox
Randomize
