Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
Randomize
