i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
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