All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
Randomize
