I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
Randomize
