So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
