it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Randomize
