FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Randomize
